Rod: You’re going down, dude
Barry: That will be the day.
Rod: Whatcha gonna do when Rodamania runs all over you?
Barry: Can you smell what the Barry is cooking?
Rod: I am so going to smash you.
Barry: Not before I give you a nap!
Rod: Get up from that one!
Barry: Get up close and personal with the steel cage!
Rod: If there was a real ring nearby, we’d really settle this.
Barry: Only after you figured out how to get into it.
<The screen changes to the Supreme Overlord>
Supreme Overlord: IS THIS WHY I SENT YOU TO THAT ROCK?????
Rod: No, your supremeness. We were simply settling a dispute as humans do, in a wrestling ring.
Supreme Overlord: You mean that junk that you two send me each week as so called Earth war games?
Barry: Yes, your mightiness. That is so you can study their methods of combat.
Supreme Overlord: Why do my intelligence operatives have to have no intelligence of their own??? You two meatheads, that stuff is called Pro Wrestling and it is not real!
Rod: But your greatness, the blood, the screaming, the Divas…..
Supreme Overlord: It is all an act! They do their best not to really hurt each other.
Barry: But what about when Batista got hurt and they showed film clips of his surgery?
Supreme Overlord: Sometimes they goof up and get hurt.
Rod: I’m in shock!
Barry: Not as much as I am.
Rod: Maybe this explains why it is on the SciFi Channel…..all fiction.
Barry: It must be. Boy, do I feel dumb.
Rod: Me too.
Supreme Overlord: Now that the childishness is done, will you two GET BACK TO WORK?
<Screen returned to Wii.>
Rod: Okay, now let’s play Wii Basketball.
Barry: No, now let’s play Wii Hockey.
Rod: Okay, since wrestling isn’t real, we’ll really settle it like men.
Barry: Bring it on!
<The screen changes to Wii Mixed Martial Arts>
Rod: What, you mean the government on this planet WANTS to confuse everyone and get people to do contradictory things?
Barry: Well, the first problem with your question is that there are a lot more than just one government on this planet, and they don’t all get along with each other.
Rod: That’s just plain stupid. Shouldn’t the goal of everyone on the planet be to simply live and survive?
Barry: You’d think so, but many times governments argue about petty things. Each government seems to want to convince everyone that all other governments that don’t agree with them 100% are evil.
Rod: Again, stupid. We have to help this planet.
Barry: Wait…why? We’re just going to annihilate it anyway, so who cares?
Rod: Good point, but until then we have to live here. I don’t like all the fighting and contradictions.
Barry: Agreed. Good government…what an oxymoron.
Rod: Wait, did you just call me a moron? Why you little…
Barry: Of course not, Rod. I’m talking about what you were talking about. An oxymoron is when words are used together that actually contradict each other.
Rod: Uh, I don’t get it.
Barry: Like, deafening silence.
Rod: How can silence cause you to be deaf?
Barry: Exactly!
Rod: Exactly what? How?
Barry: Or…clearly confused.
Rod: That describes me right now. You’re trying to explain things to me, but it’s the same difference as before you started trying.
Barry: That’s what I mean! You understand now.
Rod: Understand what?
Barry: Augh! Ok…here’s one even you can understand. Two words that are commonly used together but that actually contradict each other…military intelligence.
Rod: Hey, wait! We are part of our planet’s military.
Barry: See?
Rod: That’s right! We must continue our Trek to get that toy, just like the crew of the Enterprise continues their mission.
Barry: Rod, it’s just a toy, it’s not our lives.
Rod: Well, we wouldn’t be in this mess if you had not given the Supreme Overlord ours!
Barry: Look, if you want to tell her you want it back, be my guest. I’ll make sure whatever is left of you is sent to your next of kin.
Rod: UGH! Good point.
Barry: There has got to be a better way to get that one toy.
Rod: Wait a minute! See that kid over there? He’s got it!
Barry: Let’s go and see if we can get it from him.
Rod: Okay, you distract him and I’ll grab it.
Barry: We’re not going to steal it.
Rod: Okay, I’ll stun him and then you grab it.
Barry: Rod, I said we will not steal it from a kid!
Rod: Okay, then what do we do?
Barry: We will try to barter it from him. Watch and learn.
Rod: Okay
<The boys walk up to the kid>
Kid: Alright! We’ve been invaded!!! COOL!
Barry: Greetings young human. We have come to your planet to get samples of toys for our children on our home world.
Kid: <grabs toy> Don’t even think about it. It’s mine and I’m keeping it.
Barry: But I’m willing to trade with you for it.
Kid: What have you got?
Barry: I’ve got five of this toy…..
Kid: No chance. My mom said if I brought one more of that one home, I’d be grounded for a week!
Barry: I’ve got a couple of Spock glasses………
Kid: No way! I’m selling sets of the glasses on eBay right now.
Rod: How about give me the toy and I won’t zap you.
Kid: EEEYAH!
<About ten minutes later, Rod wakes up, laying on the ground with Barry standing over him>
Rod: What happened?
Barry: Well, you made a big mistake.
Rod: What was that?
Barry: Trying to strong arm a young martial artist.
Barry: Come on! You can walk off all of that on the way there!
Rod: But I got the last of their toys!
Barry: There’s another Burger King across town. We can get the rest of the toys there!
Rod: I forgot to tell you about the Star Trek glasses.
Barry: See, another reason to get over there!
<A little while later, the boys are sitting in Burger King, chowing down and checking their collections.>
Rod: I don’t think I can eat all of these meals.
Barry: You have to. We got all the toys and a set of the glasses for free as part of the deal.
Rod: I know, but I’m getting ill……too many carbs!
Barry: Come on, you can do it!
<Suddenly, a familiar beaming sounds erupts and three ominous figures stand by the boys>
Barry: What are these things?
Rod: They’re Kingons! Grab the glasses and run or they’ll steal them!
Barry: They’ll steal them?
Rod: Barry, haven’t you been watching those educational short films during Medium? The Kingons are stealing Star Trek glasses from people!
Barry: Those are commercials, Rod.
Rod: Whatever they are called, it shows these three stealing glasses from humans.
Barry: Why would they do that when the company is selling the glasses?
Rod: Maybe as an excuse for when they run out of them?
Barry: Possibly.
Rod: Look out, here they come!
Barry: Oh no you don’t! <Barry presses a button strapped to his wrist and the Kingons are frozen with a strange glow around them.>
Rod: SHE told you never to use that in public!
Barry: SHE isn’t here and I had to do something!
<Supreme Overlord’s voice is heard from the wristband.> What did I tell you about using this without permission???
Barry: It was self defense, oh great one.
Supreme Overlord: We’ll discuss that back at the house. By the way boys, before you go back……
Rod: Yes oh merciful one?
Supreme Overlord: Get me a set of glasses and toys.
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