Rod: No, Barry needs a new brain!

Barry: <groaning> Why do I need a new brain? Yours isn’t so wonderful right now either.

Rod: Why do you say that?

Barry: Because you are under the influence of Earth alcohol.

Rod: I told you it has no effect on me.

Barry: And I told you what the report said, that it causes our lifeform to become cranky and easily angered.

Rod: No it doesn’t.

Barry: Yes it does.

Rod: Not it DOESN’T!!!

Barry: I rest my case.

Rod: I just hope this stops your avatar kick.

Barry: Why do you not like it so?

Rod: Because of your menial tasks remark. In the movie, their avatars did everything that the planet’s lifeforms did.

Barry: So, the avatars did the menial tasks and were just like the lifeforms?

Rod: Yes they were.

Barry: Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.

Rod: Why does that make me nervous?

Barry: Okay, that’s done.

Rod: What’s done?

<doorbell rings>

Barry: You are about to find out. This avatar is acting like the lifeforms on this planet.

Rod: In what way?

Barry: This avatar is not getting mad over that beating, but getting even.

Rod: How are you going to do that, Blueboy?

Barry: The guy that just came in appears on the Syfy show, NXT. I told him you said some very nasty things about his maternal unit.

Barry: What happened?

Rod: Nothing. You just went through the “web” and hit your head against the tree. Thankfully, everything is going to be okay.

Barry: Thanks! I was worried I’d hurt myself.

Rod: Actually I was talking about the tree. Your hard head didn’t damage it.

Barry: Your level of concern is underwhelming.

Rod: I am concerned. You put that tree, which is a native life form on this rock, in danger!

Barry: What do you mean in danger? I was the one in danger when my web failed.

Rod: I was worried about you till I saw you hit your head. I knew you were okay then.

Barry: Thanks a lot…..NOT!

Rod: What do you expect? Using “Silly String” to make a web, using that poor tree? You could have poisoned that innocent tree.

Barry: Rod, it is just a tree. It is a plant and you know the rules regarding plants on our home world.

Rod: But that is there and this is Earth. Besides that, what in the name of the Doctor made you think that you could make a web with this stuff….

Barry: I did it….

Rod: And whatever gave you the motivation to think it would support your weight…

Barry: It works for Spiderman….

Rod: And why did you attempt it using our ship, knowing that the radiation from its reactor caused some substances, especially the stuff in this can, to become weakened.

Barry: Ah……eh………I forgot about that.

Rod: What makes you think you can be like Spiderman? You have not been bitten by a genetically altered spider!

Barry: I just looks so easy in the movie.

Rod: That explains it.

Barry: What do you mean?

Rod: Easy is all your brain can handle.

Rod: Romantic?? Are you out of your mind????

Barry: I think it is very romantic.

Rod: There wasn’t a romantic letter in that entire note!

Barry: Yes there was and it got me right here! <points to heart>

Rod: Did you listen to the note I read to you?

Barry: Yes I did.

Rod: Did you hear where she want us to get the Earth scouted out for destruction?

Barry: Sadly, yes.

Rod: Did you hear where she said if we didn’t she’d cut our hearts out?

Barry: Absolutely.

Rod: And give our hearts to her Tilaxian dogs for Breakfast?

Barry: Loud and clear!

Rod: And you still think that was romantic?

Barry: It most certainly was!

Rod: And where did you get your sense of romance…..Earth’s Marquis de Sade?

Barry: Of course not.

Rod: Okay, I give up! Show me where she was romantic.

Barry: Two reasons: first, she has a strong love for her dogs! Most owners throw the bodies to them and make the dogs dig the heart out.

Rod: I’m scared to hear the second one.

Barry: Second, she showed she cares for us deeply!

Rod: Where in that note of death did you see that?

Barry: Normally, instead of cutting out hearts, she throws her victims to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal!

Barry: Gets you right there? I should get you something for between your ears….a BRAIN!

Rod: Why do you say that?

Barry: You think she stole your wallet and you are sending her a Valentine? That for starters!

Rod: But you don’t understand….I’m trying to use Earth Psychology on her.

Barry: How do you figure that?

Rod: By doing this, I’m appealing to her maternal instincts as a woman to do the right thing.

Barry: Yeah, right. You are doing it because she must have been a beauty.

Rod: She wasn’t just a beauty. She was hot, dude!

Barry: How hot was she?

Rod: Like the guy on late night TV would say it, She is so hot, places that advertise hot food will have to call it Selena food.

Barry: That must be…….Selena? Hmmmm………..Selena…..stolen wallet……….What was she wearing?

Rod: A skin tight jumpsuit, all black.

Barry: This is going from bad to worse…….When the bartender asked if her drink was okay, how did she answer him?

Rod: She said it was Purrrrfect.

Barry: You are right, she probably got your wallet. I hope you didn’t have something in it that you usually keep there.

Rod: What do you mean?

Barry: Your miniaturized emergency communicator that speed dials HER!

Rod: Oh NO! It WAS in there.

Barry: You are in SO much trouble now.

Rod: If she pushes that button and it calls HER, I wonder what will happen.

Barry: Well, I don’t know what will happen to you, but I think I can predict what SHE will say.

Rod: What’s that?

Barry: SHE will tell Selena that she is the first lifeform on this rock that shows her promise!

 

Rod: Maybe we are doing something wrong.

Barry: That’s possible. Let’s run down the checklist.

Rod: Okay. Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Brats….

Barry: Check, check, double check.

Rod: Fire is at the proper temperature….

Barry: Verified.

Rod: Meat is not being burnt?

Barry: Confirmed.

Rod: Okay, I’m totally stumped.

Barry: I have an idea. The humans were talking about the game. Maybe that is what we are doing wrong.

Rod: Okay, let’s talk about the game. Why do they call it the Super Bowl?

Barry: Because it is the game that decides the world championship of football.

Rod: That is where I get lost….what is football?

Barry: Well, according to the historical…..

Rod: Stop right there! How do you know they are historical?

Barry: They came from the NFL which runs professional football.

Rod: Okay, that’s good enough for me.

Barry: The recording say that it is a game between two teams of men. They fight to carry a very odd shaped ball, called the football, across a field from one end to the other. If they do, they get points. The game is timed and after one hour, the team with the most points wins.

Rod: One hour my foot! If the game is one hour, why does it take two to three hours?

Barry: Because they only count the time that the ball is actually in play.

Rod: I’m totally confused.

Barry: Tell you what, let me play you this historical audio recording about one fellow’s first football game. Maybe it will help.

Rod: I’ll try anything to understand this game.

<The boys listen to the six minute recording>

Rod: I know what we are doing wrong! Be right back.

Barry: <muttering> What is he doing?

<Rod returns with two large mugs filled with liquid>

Rod: I realized what was wrong. We have something to eat here. We have the TV where we can watch the men fight over that funny looking pumpkin, while the convicts are blowing their whistles, but we are missing one important thing.

Barry: What is that?

Rod: <handing Barry a mug> big orange drinks!

Barry: You’re right!

Rod: We need to have a toast. What should we toast?

Barry: Not a what, but who. How about the guy who’s recording helped us understand Football.

Rod: Agreed

Rod and Barry: Here’s to you, Andy Griffith!

 

Readers, what did we listen to that explained football? Click here to hear it for yourself.

R&B