Rod: Maybe we are doing something wrong.

Barry: That’s possible. Let’s run down the checklist.

Rod: Okay. Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Brats….

Barry: Check, check, double check.

Rod: Fire is at the proper temperature….

Barry: Verified.

Rod: Meat is not being burnt?

Barry: Confirmed.

Rod: Okay, I’m totally stumped.

Barry: I have an idea. The humans were talking about the game. Maybe that is what we are doing wrong.

Rod: Okay, let’s talk about the game. Why do they call it the Super Bowl?

Barry: Because it is the game that decides the world championship of football.

Rod: That is where I get lost….what is football?

Barry: Well, according to the historical…..

Rod: Stop right there! How do you know they are historical?

Barry: They came from the NFL which runs professional football.

Rod: Okay, that’s good enough for me.

Barry: The recording say that it is a game between two teams of men. They fight to carry a very odd shaped ball, called the football, across a field from one end to the other. If they do, they get points. The game is timed and after one hour, the team with the most points wins.

Rod: One hour my foot! If the game is one hour, why does it take two to three hours?

Barry: Because they only count the time that the ball is actually in play.

Rod: I’m totally confused.

Barry: Tell you what, let me play you this historical audio recording about one fellow’s first football game. Maybe it will help.

Rod: I’ll try anything to understand this game.

<The boys listen to the six minute recording>

Rod: I know what we are doing wrong! Be right back.

Barry: <muttering> What is he doing?

<Rod returns with two large mugs filled with liquid>

Rod: I realized what was wrong. We have something to eat here. We have the TV where we can watch the men fight over that funny looking pumpkin, while the convicts are blowing their whistles, but we are missing one important thing.

Barry: What is that?

Rod: <handing Barry a mug> big orange drinks!

Barry: You’re right!

Rod: We need to have a toast. What should we toast?

Barry: Not a what, but who. How about the guy who’s recording helped us understand Football.

Rod: Agreed

Rod and Barry: Here’s to you, Andy Griffith!

 

Readers, what did we listen to that explained football? Click here to hear it for yourself.

R&B

 

 

Barry: Don’t you get it? The object of the game is to get the money!

Rod: Who cares about the money? Look at those models!!!

Barry: I know the models are beautiful, but look at all the money they are giving away!

Rod: Barry, you are the one, along with everyone else, who doesn’t get it!

Barry: Okay, I’ll bite. What am I not getting?

Rod: Look, if there was a Deal or No Deal on our planet and you won the million, what would happen?

Barry: That’s easy….about half of it vanishes in taxes.

Rod: Exactly! And I’ll bet that is what happens to the winnings on this rock also!

Barry: Okay I give you that one, but you still have what is left.

Rod: Barry, are you even alive? Money you can get anywhere, but where else can you get 26 beautiful models?

Barry: At a fashion show?

Rod: And you think I need help sometimes!

Barry: Okay, which one is your favorite?

Rod: All of them

Barry: Come on, Rod! You have to have one that really catches your eye.

Rod: Well…………

Barry: Come on, out with it!

Rod: I like the one with the short, curly blond hair! When she is on the screen, the TV is smoking.

Barry: Along with the smoke coming out of your ears!

Rod: Okay, turn around is fair play. Which one do you like best?

Barry: That’s easy! Number 13.

Rod: BARRY! 13 is a very unlucky number!

Barry: Well, the last show, she’s the one that had the million!

Rod: Hmmm…….13 is unlucky……..no one picks it because of that…….the money gets put there……….We have discovered a conspiracy!

Barry: You’ve been watching Jesse Ventura too much! Besides, they put it in different cases all the time.

Rod: Darn! I thought I had something to contact him about. Oh well……

<A buzzer sounds and the Supreme Overlord appears on the screen>

Supreme Overlord: I’ve got a deal to offer you two lazy silverbricks! Get off that couch and get back to work or you’ll see no income from me for a very long time! Deal or no deal?

 

 

Rod: What do you mean by that remark?

Barry: Because that is how you look, besides ridiculous! All you need is a Borg implant to look almost like the real thing.

Rod: Ridiculous????

Barry: Yeah! No body on this rock wears earbud and a bluetooth at the same time! There isn’t room in their audio receptors for both of them!

Rod: But I assumed that…..

Barry: Rod, remember what earthlings say about those who assume?

Rod: Yeah and don’t go there!

Barry: What are you listening to?

Rod: I’ve been sampling what earthlings call music.

Barry: What they “call” music? I take it you disagree with them?

Rod: Well, it’s different. When earthlings let their pets escape, they seem to sing about it.

Barry: Is that what they meant in their classic, “Who Let The Dogs Out?” I thought they were talking about one of their sports teams.

Rod: And you think I worry you sometimes.

Barry: I’ve got one question for you, Mr. Hip.

Rod: What’s that?

Barry: What are you going to use that phone for when you don’t call anyone on this planet?

Rod: I thought I could fix it up where we could use it to text the Supreme Overlord.

Barry: How do you do that?

Rod: You type in something like this (Types the word Text) and hit send.

Barry: I wonder what she will say.

<The Supreme Overlord looks at a beeping monitor with the word Text on it.>

Supreme Overlord: Text? They must have meant Tax. Okay, I’ll raise their taxes.

 

 

<A very ill Rod returns in a little while>

Barry: Did that help?

Rod: Just a little bit, but not much.

Barry: I thought after last month’s problem, you had learned your lesson.

Rod: Don’t remind me!

Barry: You ate all those carrots because of something Bugs Bunny said. Are you EVER going to learn?

Rod: I still say my eyesight is better.

Barry: And so is the grocer’s bank account!

Rod: But this looked so good! Popeye eats a can, his muscles bulge out, and he clobbers the bad guy.

Barry: Why didn’t you stop when your muscles didn’t swell up after the first can.

Rod: I thought maybe it took more for us since we aren’t from Earth.

Barry: But a whole case?

Rod: I thought sure that would work.

Barry: Oh, I can see it’s working alright.

Rod: Well, after all the people on TV talking about consuming a more healthy diet, I was trying to follow their advice.

Barry: If you are going to do that, you have to stop eating all those candy bars and snacks.

Rod: Don’t talk about food right now.

Barry: And you have to quit getting those three large order of fries with your hamburgers.

Rod: Please don’t……

Barry: And you have to start eating salads instead of instead of some of the junk food.

Rod: Salads…….lettuce……GREEN!

<Rod is out of the room at breakneck speed>

Barry: <chuckles and sings> He’s ill at the finish, he ate too much spinach, Popeye the Sailor he’s not!